and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
