it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
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Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
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Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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