If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
