Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
