when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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