We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize