I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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