My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
