matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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