he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
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who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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