hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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