Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
well you can't waste a boner
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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