no, he came in my armpit
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
