dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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