you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
