i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize
