So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
And then he peed in my hair
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