You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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