Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
