I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
