he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
