I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
