fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
