And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
