I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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