the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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