The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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