he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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