there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
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I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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