you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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