You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
