have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
