someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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