I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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