I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
