ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
