I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My Higher Power is John Stamos
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
