I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
