this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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