He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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