My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
