It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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