how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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