I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
