If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
