If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
