woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
