My friends, they love my intelligence
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
