I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
