took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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