I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
