i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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