I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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