i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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