dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
