She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
