So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
