Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
