Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
