Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
