He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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