The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm too high and old for this...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
