Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
you never un-have a 4some
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
