At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
