i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
