it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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